Introducing Jon Gosselin 2.0.

He’s gone from the resort cruising, chick schmoozing, bachelor pad choosing reality show dude to the poor, misunderstood, everyday guy who was abused by his vicious, evil stepmother while his stepsisters…

Ooops. Wrong story.

Here’s the deal, Jon-boy:

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This Week’s Awards

1. Douchebag of the Week: Jon Gosselin. Look up train wreck in the dictionary, and Jon’s picture is right there.
2. Lewis Prothero Award: Glenn Beck
3. You Go Girl Award: Meghan McCain, for finally putting some clarity around the exact nature of Joe the Plumber.
4. MIA Award: The National Organization for Women, which seems to have gone on vacation while Sonia Sotomayor was being crucified by the Republicans. Where are those outraged calls of sexism now?
5. Beat A Dead Horse Award: CNN, for its continuing ad nauseum coverage of The Death of Michael Jackson.
6. Unrealistic Expecations Award: The LGBT. What exactly did you folks think Obama was going to do when he got in office? Raise his staff all Moses-like and make all of the politics around gay rights disappear? Listen, whether you want to hear it or not, it took 184 years for America to elect its one and only Catholic President, and 233 years to elect the one and only person of any race other than Caucasion to the Presidency. It also took 100 years from the time the Emancipation Proclamation was signed until the Civil Rights bill was signed, and there are still debates about voting rights. Here’s the deal: It may not take that long for LGBT rights, but it ain’t gonna happen tomorrow, either.