Through his bid to become an NFL team owner, Rush Limbaugh was seriously schooled by the NFL in the law of unintended consequences. The lesson plan for this particular class breaks down into three parts, as follows:

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The next time someone tells you they’re against gay marriage, don’t ask: “Why?”

Ask: “How?”

As in: Read more »

I learned a long time ago that there are only three rules in business:

• Everything is on the table until it’s not
• Money does all the talking
• There’s nothing personal; it’s just business

If you cut through all the emotion on whether Rush Limbaugh should be allowed to be part owner of the St. Louis Rams, it all really comes down to this:

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I realize I am coming in on this a little late, but I have a day job which, Mr. or Ms. Anonymous Secret Spokesperson, is getting harder and harder to keep because the White House is too busy breaking election promises, waffling on health care, and stalling on Afghanistan to come back to "Main Street" and face the cold hard fact that things ain’t so good down here.

But, I digress.

Actually, Mr. or Ms. Anonymous Secret Spokesperson (Mr. or Ms. ASS for short),

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One of the dim bulbs on CNN said the mission cost $78 million. If NASA (a.k.a. the U.S. Government) would care to put $78 million in a bag and drop it in my back yard to see if there’s water there, I’d be glad to give them the coordinates.

I have an idea for the future of NASA: Dismantle it, tear down all the buildings, bulldoze the land, and put up a casino with a space exploration theme where people pay to play games like Planetary Slots (3 Earths pay out the grand prize), Lunar Lander Craps, Mars Mission Roulette and much, much more. It would be profitable for the government, stop the spread of the virus known as the human race, and contribute to the greening of space by reducing the amount of space junk.

If you really want to waste your time, here’s a place where you can read about the whole boondoggle.

Forget him.

Period.

He may be dead. He may not. Doesn’t matter.

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Two guys are standing in a parking lot. One says to the other:

"Here’s a car. It’s pretty state of the art as long as you stay on the highway. No off-road stuff, though. And here’s a credit card. It’s one of those rechargeable types where you call and have more money put on it as you need it. Now, get in the car and drive."

"Where am I going?"

"We’ll tell you later. Now listen. Any time you need to buy gas, need supplies, or need to have the car fixed, you have to use the credit card. Okay? No cash. No personal credit cards. Just this one."

"Do I need to get a receipt for what I buy with the card?"

"No. Don’t worry about it."

"What happens if I run low on money on the card?"

"You call me. I’ll convene a committee and we’ll decide how much more to put on the card."

"That could take a while. What do I do in the meantime?"

"Stay put until the committee decides how much more money to put on the card. And, by the way, you have to call in to the committee every so often to give them an update on your progress."

"Okay. But where am I going?"

"We’ll tell you later."

General David Petraeus, a fair General and a lousy politician, has said the United States will not repeat the mistakes of the Soviet Union in Afghanistan.

Well, here’s a news flash for you, General: If we painted hammers and sickles on our tanks, a bystander would think the Soviet-Afghan war was still going on.

Don’t want to buy what I’m selling? Check this out, and this as well. 

I seem to be saying this a lot lately, but if the shoe fits…

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." — George Santayana

Let’s assume for a minute that the real culprit in the debate over health care reform is not the insurance companies, but the rising cost of health care. Now, this doesn’t mean I’m willing to let the insurance companies off the hook, as you will see. But, for now, bear with me and assume that the driver of this whole mess is the high cost of health care.

If we make this assumption, a number of things jump out pretty quickly: Read more »

In a recent article on The Huffington Post, Andy Myer asked “Why Is the Government the Health Care Bogeyman?”"

My comment was as follows:

“It ain’t rocket science, Andy my boy. The government is a fat, bloated, out-of-touch mass of bureaucratic pencil pushers who couldn’t decide on a plan to get themselves to the bathroom without spending a million dollars studying the route, another million developing the regulations to get them there, another million to publish those regulations, another million for people to enforce those regulations, another million for people to manage the people who enforce the regulations, another million to manage the people who manage the people who enforce the regulations, another million to study why people don’t follow the regulations because they can’t understand said regulations, another million to prosecute the people who don’t follow the regulations because they don’t understand said regulations, another million to rewrite the regulations to make them more understandable, rinse, spin, repeat.”

1. Which country did the U.S. pressure to reject a U.N. report into Israel’s war on Gaza?
2. If you thought the whole I’ll-lob-missiles-at-you-and-you-bomb-me game between Israel and the Palestinians was over, think again.
3. Which country is using The Simpsons in an ad campaign to fight obesity (hint: it’s not the U.S.).
4. Which dancer was watched by 80 million people when he performed on a television show?
5. Okay, so I couldn’t resist: Jon Gosselin told Larry King that he made $1 million last year from the show Jon and Kate Plus 8, but he’s had an "epiphany" (puke)that made him realize that the show would be unhealthy for his kids now that he and Kate are getting a divorce. Maybe he’ll have another epiphany that tells him he used his kids for personal gain (also known as "exploitation") and that he should give that million back. Then, again, maybe he’ll change his last name to Massengill…

Sometimes, good fortune comes in the form of rejection. It may not seem so good at the time, but in the long run it proves to be just what the doctor ordered.

So it is with Chicago’s bid for the 2016 Olympics.

Although it was a feel good idea, and seemed like a good idea on the surface, there are a number of serious reasons why the United States in general, and Chicago in specific, had no real business contending for the Olympics in 2016:

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This time, that silly Sarah Palin is apparently somewhat quasi-troubled about the fact that the Defense Department only received a small portion of the stimulus package. She is, of course (and as usual) missing the point. So, boys and girls, let’s see if we can help Silly Sarah out. Read more »